1.
Delight in Lord’s Day Worship: This can be particularly difficult for
pastors or others who have a lot of responsibility on Sunday mornings. I often
find myself focused on the task, but not rejoicing in the task. Find practical
ways to help your wife enjoy the Lord’s Day, especially worship. If you have a
lot of young children this day can be the hardest day of the week. Recognize
this and find ways to alleviate some of the burden.
2.
Pray with her and for her: I am
much better at the latter than the former.
3.
Teach her the Bible: This can
happen formally, such as through family worship or devotions with her. Or it
can happen informally, as you bring to her attention how God’s Word can apply
to her life. This means you must be reading the Scriptures. A good steward brings
out good treasure. But you have got to put good treasure in (Matthew 13:52).
One word of warning: Often when there are children around family worship
becomes a way to teach them and the wife ends up being left out. Do not treat
her like one of the children, but do make sure that family worship is for her
as well as the young ones. Second word of warning: A lot men find it difficult
to teach their wives. I am not sure why this is the case. Maybe they think
their wives are more spiritual. Whatever the hump is we must get over it. As
good shepherds we need to feed our wives on God’s Word.
4.
Discipline Your Children: When you
are around, make sure you take the lead with discipline. Do not leave all up to
her. By disciplining your children faithfully when you are around, you make it
easier on her when you are home and will make it easier on her when you gone.
5.
Maintain Communication: It is easy
to let days go by where you have not discussed the children or the home or
finances or whatever else is going on your life with your wife. You should lead
discussions, check in with her, call her from work and see how her day is
going, etc. Do not wait for her to come to you. I am not encouraging you to
micromanage. Nor do you need to have two hour discussions every night. But make
sure you know what she is thinking. Keep the communication flowing and a lot of
problems will be prevented.
6.
Listen to Her: Husbands have a terrible
time paying close attention to what their wives are saying. We are easily
distracted. Give her your eyes and your mind. Shut off the TV. Close the
laptop. Do not answer the phone. Send the children to read in their rooms. Give
her your entire focus.
7.
Be Disciplined with your Time and
Money: For a woman to feel secure she has to believe that her husband is going
to make good, godly decisions. Good decisions require discipline. If you throw away time and money your wife
will not feel loved.
8.
Recognize When She is Needy: Peter tells us to live with our wives in an
understanding way (I Peter 3:7). One way
we do this is understand when things are hard for her. This varies from wife to
wife. It might be after a baby is born or just before the baby is born or both.
It might be when there is trouble with her extended family. It might be the day
she has to cart all five children to three different stores for groceries. It
might be on Sunday morning. It might be at 5:00 when she has put in a long,
hard day with the children and dinner still needs to be made. When she is needy
there are three things to do: Protect her. Keep the world at bay so she can
rest and recover. Show her compassion. Do not just tell her buck up and keep
going. Help her. Jump in with joy and do what needs to be done. She needs to
know that when she is weary you are going to protect her, comfort her, and help
her.
9.
Help her Take Care of Herself:
Wives will often sacrifice their own well-being for those around them. As
husbands, we must make sure our wives are cared for even as they pour
themselves out. This means making sure she has time to shower and get ready for
her day. It means that if she needs exercise you make sure she has the time to
get it in. It means getting her the clothes she needs, the kitchen utensils she
needs, the books she needs to flourish as a wife. When she expresses a need,
such as, “Honey all my blouses are wearing out” you lead the way in making sure
that need is met. Give her time and money to order some things online or go
shopping. Often, the greatest need is rest. Wives will work themselves into the
ground. Make sure she gets time to
recharge. Tell her to take a bath. Give
her time to read a book uninterrupted. Let her take a nap on Saturday or Sunday
without being woken up.
10. Maintain
a Healthy Sexual Relationship: Some of you may think this is obvious and easy.
But as children enter the picture, so does nursing, late nights, diapers, extra
weight (for you and her), and various other things that can dampen the sexual relationship.
What comes easy early in marriage requires a more deliberate approach as you
move along. I don’t like giving too many
specifics with this area of our lives.
But I will encourage regular sexual relations and would encourage the
husband to initiate. Again, this will require more thought than it did when you
had only been married six months. Is she tired? Do you both need showers? Is
she nursing? Do I run the risk of older children walking in? Spontaneous sex is
lot less frequent when you have several children. It can still be fun and
frequent, but you must think about it more. Often a wife with several children
whom she cares for throughout the day can feel ragged and tired. Lovemaking may
not be the best option all the time. But show her a lot of physical affection
and tell her often that she is beautiful and that you love her.
1 comment:
Thanks Peter. It's good to know you are taking care of your wife and our daughter. We appreciate your thoughts and have found wisdom in these things through the years. I have also enjoyed your blog lately, and the links you give. I enjoyed the one about writers yesterday. Jennie
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